Saturday, May 30, 2015

Our ways, pet peeves, and life

We know how to get stuff done.

We pack our alone time with activities that we like. We value solitude because it lets us experiment with new concepts, plan and stretch our imagination. Anything is possible when we spend time alone, and what we create may change our lives, and yours, too. And if we tell you that we know what we're doing, we do.  Dont try to change our minds to your preferance of how to do something.

We like to write things out.

We love email because it helps us get what we need without interruptions. Interruptions throw us off course, and we need to expend more energy to get back on track. So, please don’t call unless it is a close-ended question.

We make a choice to be with you–appreciate it.

We value our alone time and are picky about who we let in. Letting in the wrong person will drain us, leaving nothing for ourselves. We tend to attract extroverts who suck our energy, and search out likeminded introverts for our groundedness, deep thinking and sense of control. We appreciate our time with other introverts and have an understanding of each other’s limits and boundaries.

We're really okay.

I would like to get paid $100 for each time I’m asked, “Are you okay?” As an introvert, I’m caught up in my head much of the time. I’m thinking. Pondering. Contemplating. Sometimes I’m just enjoying the present moments as they come in meditative appreciation. I do not need constant noise or chit chat. So I’m often asked, “Are you okay?” because silence can be taken for being sad, angry or socially inept. I assure you though, that I am quite fine. Most of the time.

We actually like to socialize.

It’s true, but only in small groups where we pretty much know everyone or are there for the bigger picture. We like to have fun, laugh, converse about all sorts of things, and just feel the vibe of a good time with company, but when it’s a large group or people we don’t know, we feel uneasy and tend to be quiet. All the noise and carrying on actually starts sucking the energy right out of us. Sometimes some would get a headache attending functions with lots of people, but through the years, we can learn how to protect our energy, put a smile on, and chit chat with the best of them—for a little while anyway. At our first chance to exit the shebang, we're out.

At times, we have to force ourselves to act like we like you. We, basically, grin and bear it.

This is the nasty truth, but we're all moody and know who we like and dont like so I guess this one is universal. It can stem from many reasons that can have its roots in childhood to what we ate for breakfast this morning, but don’t take it personally.  Being nice can actually sometimes be harder than being real.

How can you let the introvert in your life know that you support them and respect them?

First, recognize that it's not a choice. It's not a lifestyle. It's an orientation.
Second, when you see an introvert lost in thought, don't say "What's the matter?" or "Are you all right?"
Third, don't say anything else, either.

There is nothing "wrong" or "weird" about being an introvert. Some people confuse introversion with shyness or anxiety, and some people will say that you need to "come out of your shell" or "be more social", like it's a bad thing. It isn't.

Monday, May 18, 2015

Understanding introversion

          I have always known, to some extent and even before I knew the term "introvert", that I am an introvert and used to be ashamed of being an introvert. I wanted to be someone else. You see, sometimes it’s hard to explain to other people how it actually feels to be an introvert. It’s even harder to accept that it’s a part of who you are and especially difficult to communicate this to someone who is not an introvert.  Questions like, “Why can't you be more social and out going?” or “Why do you look so unhappy around big groups of people?” are sometimes difficult to answer.  After all, it’s not like we don’t enjoy having fun, acting silly, or being around other people. We just want to do it around the right people and more importantly, we need quiet time, before and after.

Here's some things that are true for introverts. 

They are great listeners

           In fact, we love to listen. It gives us a chance to really get to know someone and understand them better. Introverts are typically highly engaged with someone they want to get to know. They are easily distracted by outside stimuli that may interfere with listening, and they usually want to devote all of their attention to the other person.

They sometimes wish they were extroverts

           I sometimes wonder what it would be like to walk into a large group of people and to instantly become energized by the people around me. I always thought it has to be cool to have that infectious energy that draws people to you.

They don’t enjoy being the center of attention

            Most introverts don’t like all eyes to be on them. It can be difficult to speak up at a work meeting, deliver a speech, or answer a question in front of other people. We typically like to listen to other people’s perspective and hear what they have to say. It doesn’t mean we don’t have an opinion, but sometimes it’s hard to articulate what we’re thinking.

They easily see other people’s point of view

            They are typically empathetic to other people and what they have to say  Even if they don’t agree with the other person, they make a good effort to see things from their perspective. They strive to get to know other people in all situations before judging or making the other person feel inadequate.

They are drained by high energy people

             High energy people can be exhausting for introverts. They often feel like they have to match that level of intensity and may feel uncomfortable when they don’t. Introverts may need breaks from these high energy situations because unlike extroverts, they don’t become energized by these people. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.

They like to take things slow

            Sometimes it just takes us introverts a little longer to move forward. We like to weigh all of our options and look at all possible outcomes before making a final decision. This can also be detrimental to us because we tend to analyze things too much. So, don’t take it personally if we just aren’t quite ready to take that next step.

They are not just introverts

              Being labeled as an introvert can immediately put someone in a category. Although it is a useful term that people can relate to, although it doesn’t define who they are. There are many types of introverts and many variations within those types. More than anything, introverts are people first. Being an introvert is just one aspect of who a person is. Many people fall into a continuum of traits and exhibit extroverted traits and introverted traits. Just some are more than the other.

Here are some do's and don'ts.

Don't talk down to us or treat us like we're stupid, especially in public.

Do let us say what we want and give us time.  It would be a good idea to wait a few seconds (maybe 4 or 5) before you chime in.

Listen.  We talk quietly and don't fight to be heard.

Don't treat us like we're fragile.

Don't put us on the spot.  Ask us first, beforehand.

Do let us call you. When you call us, it might interrupt our life and frustrate us. If you have something to say,  text or email is the best.

If you tell us that your going to do something, do it. 

Be prompt.

Don't change things unexpectedly.   Give as much notice of changes as you can.

Dont ask why we’re so shy

Dont take our need for alone time personally.

Dont ask if we’re mad.

Dont Be clingy.

Dont talk incessantly.  If you do need to talk, say "I'm just thinking out loud..."

Dont tell us we need to learn to speak up.

Dont push us into commitments.

Dont tell us we’re missing out on life.

Be understanding.

(Collections from around the web)

Thursday, May 7, 2015

 10 Incredibly Awkward Moments in the Life of an Introvert.

1.  Going out somewhere to be social.
2.  Wanting to go up to people to start a conversation,  but they walk in another direction. (Seen as a failed attempt)
3.  Standing/sitting there looking anti-social but actually trying to think of stuff to say.
4.  Being caught off guard when one of your new friends comes up to talk to you and not knowing what to say.
5.  Sweating, the longer someone new talks to you, the more nervous you are, for fear of saying something stupid.   (So you opt for being quiet,  but.....awkward), but you hope they keep talking.
6.  Constantly realizing that people think your anti-social
7.  Questions like "Why are you so quiet/shy/introverted?" are, not only torture, but very intimidating. 
8.  When in a conversation with a few friends and you think of a witty comment, but alas, that topics over.
9.  Always leaving bad first impressions. 
10.  Trying your hardest not to be too......well awkward.